Alterations for Pony Boot Camp (V)

The fifth instalment of “How not to write a story”…

~

Part XXXVII:

It was a bitter mockery that pony training was scheduled as our first activity.

is changed into:

It was a bitter mockery that pony training had been rescheduled to be our first activity.

Pony Boot Camp — Part Thirty-Eight

Welcome to the Stud

Ten regained some degree of consciousness as she was unhooked from the whipping post, and I pitied her for that. The lashed girl was shaking violently, shivering as if exposed to freezing cold – although she seemed to burn up at the same time. The guards dragged her naked form down the platform and away, leaving the whip and the Ten’s clothing behind. The lady doc followed without too much of a haste.

If Warden Navier addressed some final words of righteous anger to us, I did not process them. I couldn’t clear my mind from the images of the blood whipping I had just witnessed. This quality of cruelty, this wilful physical and mental destruction of a human being would never fail to make me sick to my stomach.