Alterations for Pony Boot Camp (V)

The fifth instalment of “How not to write a story”…

~

Part XXXVII:

It was a bitter mockery that pony training was scheduled as our first activity.

is changed into:

It was a bitter mockery that pony training had been rescheduled to be our first activity.

Whilst writing the latest part I noticed, much to my chagrin, that I had made a mistake in Seventeen’s daily routine in the prior chapter. Although never clearly described within the story, a system is in effect which determines the groups’ schedules. There are four slots, Activities or duties I to Activities or duties IV (see Part V). Each day the time of pony training moves one slot up, even if it actually cancelled due to the team leader’s day off. The other three slots are filled with various tasks like tack duty or kitchen duty. On the day before the one in question, Group 3 had been subjected to pony training after lunch, which would be the third slot (see Part XXXVI). Therefore next day’s training would be in the late afternoon, not in the early morning. I rescued myself by establishing that the late afternoon had been “cleared”, so all groups could witness Ten’s punishment.

~

Part XXXVII:

Just like on the day 1105 had been publicly flogged, all groups were assembled.

has a part added:

Just like on the day 1105 had been publicly flogged, all groups were assembled – thanks to our late afternoon stint having been rescheduled to the morning.

Same reason as above.     

~

Throughout story:

vacation

is changed into:

holiday

I normally write in British English rather than in American English (or any other variants, for that matter) and try not to mix up terms or expressions – results may vary. Exceptions are Æqinoctium with its heroine being an American expatriate in Europe and the Scottish English phrases in Visiting the McIntoshs.

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About Venom

Bloke from Central Europe; Petrol Head; Observer of Human Depravity View all posts by Venom

2 responses to “Alterations for Pony Boot Camp (V)

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