Alterations for Pony Boot Camp (IV)

Again it is time for our popular series “things Venom, that dork, has botched up because he hasn’t got the first idea of what he is scribbling down”.

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Part XXXVII:

I didn’t recognise the steep glade, but deduced that I was south-west of the camp, yet still east of the river.

is changed into:

I didn’t recognise the steep glen, but deduced that I was south-west of the camp, yet still east of the river.

I changed this quite shortly after uploading the chapter, so most of you have read the altered version. “Glade” had indeed been the word of choice originally, but “glen” created the better picture, so I decided to swap the terms. I simply forgot it till after the publishing, though.

~

Part XX:

On the clearing a parcours of some sort had been pegged out, utilising one-and-a-half metre stakes with tennis balls sitting on top.

is changed into:

In the clearing a parcours of some sort had been pegged out, utilising one-and-a-half metre stakes with tennis balls sitting on top.

And another glade-related change, for I learnt that in this case “in” is the more common preposition.

~

Part IV ff:

We had been allowed to shower before being called out in front of the barracks – all of us, all three groups.

Not later than this occasion Seventeen has seen the inmates from the other groups. Given the fact that the piercing of ponygirls is stated to be common DACC policy, it is odd that at no point prior to the “ringing” nose rings were mentioned. After all, they would be the kind of piercing hardest to miss. To rectify that, I will have to make several additions, all of which going to be listed in a separate post.

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About Venom

Bloke from Central Europe; Petrol Head; Observer of Human Depravity View all posts by Venom

7 responses to “Alterations for Pony Boot Camp (IV)

  • Absolutist

    Your attention to detail is commendable. Or obsessive-compulsive? 😉

  • Vandalay

    I’ve always said “that dork just keeps botching it up…” Not you, Venom!

    • Venom

      I appreciate that, yet am still irritated by flaws and mistakes I find after submitting a text.

      • Vandalay

        That said, not having any foreshadowing of the nipple and nose rings, for me heightened the drama of it all. Perhaps it was a strategy only recently implemented after Seventeen’s group was admitted to DACC?

        • Retroguy

          That’s what I assumed. I’ve figured that the whole program was basically experimental and that each group through was likely to be getting some new stuff.

          • Venom

            I have given this topic a lot of thought. Currently I see it this way: The “ringing” policy came up after Seventeen’s group has arrived. She and her companions are pierced due to plan, yet haven’t seen any references on other ponies until recently.

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