Alterations for Pony Boot Camp (II)

Since Venom, the lazy sod, still hasn’t finished the next part of Pony Boot Camp, here are some minor corrections and changes of the narration so far. As before, the storyline itself is not affected.

~

Part III:

Inside, it offered a single big room; bunk beds, chests, showers in a separated area at the far end. Full Metal Jacket, anyone?

has a line added:

Inside, it offered a single big room; bunk beds, chests, showers in a separated area at the far end. One table with chairs. Full Metal Jacket, anyone?

The mentioning of the table and chairs was missing in Seventeen’s original description of the barrack’s inside. In Part XXIV she sits at the table to write her famous letter. I wouldn’t go as far as to call it a continuity error, since it has never been stated that there weren’t a table and chairs. When writing the letter scene I also knew these parts of the furniture hadn’t been mentioned before, so I wanted them in mainly for the sake of completeness.

~

Part VI:

I enjoyed my breakfast with unnecessary noisiness, whilst Sixteen was sitting next to me with a lonely glass of milk.

is changed into:

I enjoyed my breakfast with unnecessary noisiness, whilst Sixteen was sitting next to me with a lonely plastic cup of milk.

As described later in Part XXIV, the inmates receive their drinks during meals in “prison-proof plastic cups” rather than in glasses. Safety and practicality would be the main reasons for this.

~

Part XXII:

Staring at the dark ceiling I tried to blank my mind, but only opened it to the day’s grisly events.

is changed into:

Staring into the dark room I tried to blank my mind, but only opened it to the day’s grisly events.

This scene with Seventeen lying in her bunk wide awake comes closely after the branding. So she surely wouldn’t rest on her back, or more precisely, on her bum. Although it is thinkable for our heroine to cast her gaze heavenwards whilst lying on her side, the statement is questionable.

About Venom

Bloke from Central Europe; Petrol Head; Observer of Human Depravity View all posts by Venom

3 responses to “Alterations for Pony Boot Camp (II)

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